Last night I saw a movie called “Limitless.”
There are quite a number of scenes in the movie where the main character (Eddie Morra) is living a lifestyle that includes massive amounts of external validation. This reminded me a lot of some of my students and why they get into pickup in the first place.
Here’s what I mean by “scenes of external validation.”
In a few scenes, Eddie is in a bar making everyone laugh and being the life of the party.
In a few scenes, Eddie is being flown around the world partying with rich people.
In a few scenes, Eddie is getting quick lays from making smart conversation.
Eddie is in one scene where people hang on his every word as he is talking.
Eddie is told by his editor during 3 consecutive voice mails that his writing is incredible and it’s the greatest she’s ever seen.
Eddie is always getting a stream of voice mails on his machine begging him to show up for various meetings and events.
Eddie makes jokes in Chinese and Italian with waiters at restaurants, who walks off thinking “Wow! That guy is so amazing!”
In short, this guy goes from zero to hero. He starts out the movie as a loser, and by half way through, he is living the “fast life.” He’s getting attention from everyone. He’s getting praise from everyone. He’s living every PUA student’s dream.
This is a hit movie, and a big part of the appeal is that the average Joe can identify with someone who’s living the dream.
But is it really “the dream” to be living the fast life and be getting massive amounts of external validation all the time?
Should that be the dream?
It seems that everyone agrees that this is the dream, especially pickup students.
I had a conversation with one of my students about a week ago, where I could tell he was wanting to live the fast life. When he began learning pickup, he formed and idea, a picture in his mind. He would get good at pickup, and then he would be the man. He’d be walking into the hottest club in town, in the coolest clothes. He’d be surrounded by the hottest, fakest looking women. They would all want him. All the bar staff would be amazed. He’d be cracking jokes with everyone all the time. Everyone would think he’s so funny and charming.
It is very normal to want that kind of lifestyle. I don’t condemn anyone for wanting that.
However, I’m here to tell you there’s something more. There’s something beyond the fast life.
Me and the UDS coaches talk about it all the time. We call it being “self validated.”
When you are self validated, you can still live the fast life and be that charming guy, but you don’t have the need for all that external validation anymore. Sure, it may be nice to get some attention and praise here and there, but even if you don’t, you still feel good about yourself.
That is what being “self validated” is all about.
It’s about feeling good about yourself, with or without praise and attention from others.
Let me tell you, this can be hard to achieve for most people.
Most people are so caught up in getting more success, more chicks, more money, MORE VALIDATION, that they can never be truly happy with themselves.
When they finally get that validation, they feel good. But it’s just a temporary feeling. Ten minutes later they are looking for the next fix, because they are addicted to external validation.
OK I know people are probably reading this and thinking “but Brad, you do live the fast life and you are that charming guy.”
Yes, it’s true, I have lived the fast life at times. I have had more than my fair share of external validation. There was a time when I was probably addicted to that myself.
For me, it was a stage I had to go through on the path to being self-validated.
I think for many people learning pickup, they must experience that feeling of massive external validation before they can see that they don’t really need it to be happy.
In conclusion, I’m not telling you to stop chasing that feeling….not just yet. But you should know that when you get there, it’s not the end. There’s something past the outskirts of success. There’s something more. There’s a Zen state of not needing approval from others, and this is where true freedom exists. Ironically, this “self validated” state will get you more pussy, love, and attention then you were getting before when you were chasing validation. Furthermore, you will actually experience happiness, instead of a temporary high followed by a new chase.
I hope you reach the point of “self-validation.” It’s a nice place to be.