Here’s a few sweet routines reposted from the 30/30 Forum, month 5.
The first is from Dylan McKay, the second is from Autolico. I really like both of these and they have been tested quite a bit.
I’m proud of my students. They have learned how to create unique conversational repertoire based on their own identity and personality.
Blondes and Meatheads
(this can be use on blondes, but can be tweaked for just any girl in general; SEE BELOW)
(and you don’t have to have a ‘meathead’ look, you just have to be one of the sexy stereotypes)
*i just use the ‘we’re the coolest’ template and ‘us against the world’ for most of my material… its good stuff, especially on dates.
me: Do you feel like people judge you for being Blonde?
me: Yeah, I bet people judge you all the time… both guys and girls. And It’s probably unfair. I know how it goes, because people judge and stereotype me all the time [for being a ______].
her: (blah blah honk honk)
me: Like that person over there, he thinks I’m so stupid. And That girl over there, she thinks all I do is lift weights. And Even our waitress, she thinks all I do is eat food and beat people up. I’ve learned to deal with it, but I bet it’s probably harder for you.
her: (blah blah talky talky)
me: Like that guy over there he’s probably thinking ‘LOOK AT THAT STUPID BLONDE GIRL… SHE PROBABLY CAN’T EVEN FUCKING READ’ and that girl over there she’s probably thinking ‘LOOK AT THAT IDIOT, I BET SHE CAN’T EVEN DRIVE OR SPELL HER NAME’ haha and even our waitress is thinking ‘UGH THAT BLONDE GIRL IS PROBABLY BORDERLINE RETARDED, SHE PROBABLY HAS A TUTOR OR IS IN SOME SPECIAL PROGRAM JUST SO SHE CAN FIT INTO SOCIETY.’
me: But fuck that right? They’re just jealous. Even if we can’t spell or read good, we’re the sexyist people in this place. So you know what I think??? JOKES ON THEM. haha I can read just fine, how about you?
I just sort of picture the girl as Kelly Bundy from Married with Children
okay here’s how to goes about using it on a brunette/HBginger kid:
me: Did you ever have your hair blonde? … and did you feel like people judged you?
me: Do you feel like people judge you because you’re cute (or above average attractive)?
proceed with routine…
basically you absurdify the blonde girl/hot girl/woman stereotype. “you are stupid” “you can’t drive” “you can’t read” “you have the personality of a dead moth” etc. etc. and claim that you get the same treatment from society.
and feel free to really push the insults… I told my girl that people probably think she is “is a golddigging prostitute and part time denny’s employee with the personality of paint drying on a gray wall who is only out on a date with me for the meal since she hasn’t eaten in a week” hehe, the girls like it and can’t yell at you because it’s not you that is thinking it haha
it makes for good call back humor
“how are you doing with your long division”
“can you name all the letters in the alphabet yet”
extend, extend, sizzle, never drop the joke, dont have to its funny to insult hot girls
(i really like this routine because it can be calibrated [via the insults] as really HARD GAME, but it’s also pretty airtight because it’s so absurd and the girl can’t get mad because seemingly you understand how life is… it’s a really ironic position to be in)
Since I have been requested multiple times to write it down, this is my personal horse rubbing routine. I field tested it hundreds of time and I always had a lot of fun telling this shit:
HB: so what d’you do for work? (or for fun or whatever)
Autolico: I rub the bellies of horses
A: to quiet them down
A: You know, when we push them out of an air plane they get very nervous
HB: what?/Are you joking?/why you do that?/…
A: We test parachutes. A horse weights like 5 men, so if the chute holds, than it is safe enough for a man
A: We’re kind of broke at the moment, because when the horse lands it runs off with the parachute. We’re hiring cowboys for that. Are you a cowgirl? Would you like to join our company?
Sometimes I follow that up saying:
A – However I feel I am really close to a promotion. If I’ll do good enough… probably… next year… I’ll get to rub the bellies of… Elephants. However I am kind of scared because I’ll have to move to our Indian branch for that