Just re-posting one of my old articles that people sometimes ask about. It's called "The Male Conundrum."
The Male Conundrum
To me the ultimate goal of all this learning is to find a balance and happiness in your love life and sex life. On a daily basis we are subject to conflicting drives and urges. Compromise becomes a way of life for most people because that's how they view things.
THE CONFLICTING URGES
1. Fuck as many girls as possible and squeeze the boobies of 19 year old chicks.
2. Fall in love, successfully reproduce.
It's pretty hard to satisfy both of those urges simultaneously.
HOW MOST MAINSTREAM MEN DEAL WITH THESE CONFLICTING URGES
1. The Family Man
This kind of guy does a traditional committed relationship and reproduction to the best of his ability. In order to combat the urge to fuck all women, he becomes sexually repressed. This repressions causes him to occasionally lash out (Look at the CANS on that one!!) with his buddies, or complain in his own head all day about the women he can't have. Eventually the urge to fuck all women gets rationalized away and changes form into all kinds of fucked up ideas and feelings. In the end REPRESSION defines him.
2. The Cheater
This guy gets to indulge both urges by having a wife and various lovers on the side. From an instinctual point of view, this is a great deal. However, this guy can be plagued by guilt and his mind goes crazy trying to cover his tracks all the time. Eventually he may be discovered cheating, causing irreparable damage to his marriage, children, and finances. This possibility looms over him, and his conscience can never be clear. Unable to be fully invested in any emotional interaction, DISHONESTY defines him.
3. The Lonely Guy
This guy knows all about the pitfalls of women trying to get you to commit and he's fiercely independent. He retains his freedom, but at the cost of engaging in emotional interaction with any women. He can have lots of empty sex, but it never is completely fulfilling. Slowly his capacity for emotion fades away until he's too old to attract women for casual sex, and too cold to attract women for emotional sex. Then he must resort to prostitutes or exclusively masturbate to feed his appetite for sex. LONELINESS defines him.
These are our choices as we're brought into this world. Do you choose repression, dishonesty, or loneliness? On the surface, out culture seems to promote repression. Religious institutions, the government, and mainstream media seem to reward the "Family Man" lifestyle. Our sexual instincts promote the "Cheater" lifestyle. The "Lonely" lifestyle seems to be the least chosen path, but it is the saddest of the 3.
This is the male conundrum. It is something I have been trying to solve for a very long time. Solving this seems to be at the core of everything mASF is about as well, although I'm not certain if this has ever been stated or acknowledged in quite this way before.
When I look back on failed relationships from the past, I can see it was the male conundrum playing out inside me, causing conflict and confusion, and the worst part was that I did not understand why it was happening.
Before I get on to talking about the cure for this, I want to say I haven't actually figured it out 100% yet. It's still a work in progress. There's still a lot of experimentation going on with me and it is all related to solving this problem. The main purpose of posting this is to define the question. I'd also like to hear some comments from people on this.
Here are some of my thoughts and some notes on my experiments thus far on solving the male conundrum.
I offer up 3 theories on this that I've been brewing for a while.
This is a great way to live. I've been emotionally involved with as many as 4 girls at once, and didn't find it to be problematic. It was very fulfilling. However, I'm a man of great ability when it comes to attracting/managing women and managing my own emotions. I don't see many men achieving this level of success in attracting the women, or in attaining consistently positive emotional interactions with them.
I've accomplished a great success for myself, but the larger goal is to pass on this success to others. I look around and I see some men are only improving in small steps in attracting women. Others are improving in larger steps but are neglecting the emotional side because the "attraction learning curve" seems to require it. Many get complacent after only small gains and cannot see the big picture.
For example, when I give a seminar and talk about 1 night stands, it's packed. When I give a seminar about relationship management and emotional maintenance, the crowd is a quarter of the size. People just aren't that into it.
Back to the MLTRs, as fulfilling as it feels, I must acknowledge that it does not result in reproductive success. Fucking lots of girls and knowing them on deep level is almost like fooling your instincts into believing that your are reproducing in a prolific way.
If you have an awareness and understanding of the male conundrum, it is possible to reframe some of your emotions and reduce the suffering. You don't have to take your urges to fuck 6 women a day as seriously when you start to understand that it's just a natural instinct. You can then channel some of those urges toward other things, like building social skills.
3.Seduction with a purpose
Why exactly is it that people become so obsessed with learning how to fuck women? It has a lot to do with our instincts, obviously. But what is it that our instincts REALLY want us to do? That's right, go out an impregnate tons of chicks.
If you can grant me the premise that this community and it's body of literature are in the infant stages, how long do you think it will take before people start using this material to go out and impregnate lots of women? 50 years? 25 years? Could be quite a ways off, and I realize this type of speculation is a bit far out.
The reason I bring it up is because I've observed this type of behavior in a few naturals. Shady guys for sure, but guys with great ability to seduce women. In many cases, the high ability level of these guys comes from a strong drive to reproduce. Typically they have a stronger drive to reproduce than other guys, and it drives them to do extraordinary things in life which open the door for impregnating women with less difficulty and fewer repercussions. There's a friend of a friend of mine who has an unknown number of kids on other continents, where paternity laws and birth control aren't as pervasive as they are in the US. He has an extraordinary career which has opened the door for him to be able to do this. Looks like a mess to me, but I'd bet there's a certain gratification and satisfaction that comes along with it.
We could see the day when the lay report is outshined by the birth report.
Sure, it's really selfish for guys to want to go around impregnating women drive-by style, but seduction itself is probably considered "selfish" by most people in the world, even some people here. Moral relativism is a bitch and who's to say what could happen when it takes hold.
OK I know that may have sounded pretty far out, but sometimes you have to let your ideas run free in order to solve some of life's most difficult dilemmas.
So what do you choose?
Fooling your instincts with MLTRs and ONSs?