How to deal with Gold Diggers
In this blog post:
-How to deal with Gold Diggers
-Come meet Brad P. in Miami, Florida
-Sneak preview of the new Pickup Mansion (pictures)
Today we're going to talk about how to deal with gold diggers.
Some of my 1on1 students in LA are very wealthy, and I've had to help them many times get rid of gold digger girlfriends or play defense against girls they are dating or seducing.
Here in LA, there are a lot of women out there who are specifically after your money. Marrying a rich guy is better than a lottery ticket, because you can make millions if you win, and you can actually exert control over the outcome.
The divorce laws of California are very favorable for gold diggers. If they can get hitched to a guy, they can take him for half of his wealth or in some cases up to 90%. It's the fastest way to make millions.
Here's a shocking fact: The biggest wealth building activity for women in America in 2010 isn't business, jobs, inheritance, or the lottery....it's divorce. So it makes sense to learn to play defense, even if you've only got a modest amount of money. You got 15 grand in the bank? 60% of it is in danger.
These women are predators. They have highly sophisticated techniques which they can use to drain you. First rule is never underestimate a gold digger. These girls tend to have fantastic game.
Let's talk a bit about their psychological profile so you can see how they developed their amazing skills. Typically, these girls start early. They may have rich guys paying their bills while they are still in high school or in their late teens. Gold diggers quickly learn how to sense neediness in a man. And when they sense neediness, they learn how to leverage it to create an emotional dependence. Some guys start spending right away, which causes the girl to immediately view them as beta. Ironically, the gold digger will often choose not to stay with this type of man. She would rather beta a man who is a bit more challenging. A gold digger is still a woman, after all, and all women enjoy a challenge. If the man is too easy to dominate, the gold digger will typically take him for as much as she can as fast as she can and then move on.
The first frame a gold digger will try to push is the committed relationship frame, which is closely related to the provider frame. You can read more about the provider frame in “Planning the Perfect Date.” http://bradp.com/planning-the-perfect-date
Now let's go over the exact conversations that tend to come up, and how to combat them.
Typically, the man will be pushing for a sexual connection, and the woman will rebuff him by saying something like “Sorry, I only have sex within the context of a committed relationship.”
There are a few ways to break this frame. The first is by persistence. Just avoid the entire topic and act like you sort of agree. Then talk about a different topic for 5 minutes, then restart the escalation. If you try to escalate her a few more times, there a chance she will get horny and suddenly decide to have sex. It can be necessary to escalate 5-10 times in a given night, always leaving 5 minute in between so that the woman can leave the situation if she chooses to. If she chooses not to leave, she is giving you the green light to try to escalate again.
If you must get into a verbal discussion about “her rules,” the best way to discredit her frame is by comparing it to a business deal. “So you have sex only in return for a commitment? Sounds sort of like a business deal. I give you this, you give me that. For me it's more of an emotional thing than a business deal, but to each her own.” During this discussion, you also show disinterest and imply that she cold and unemotional.
You can expand on this line of thinking and embellish if you like.
The next frame to look at is the part where the girl is flat out telling you that you should give her money or pay her bills.
Here's a few different ways the gold digger may phrase it:
“I'm so stressed out. I have these bills to pay and I can't pay them. It's making me feel bad all the time.”
“I wish I didn't have to worry about all these bills so I could focus more of my attention on pleasing you.”
“I'm having a CRISIS! If I don't pay this money by friday it will be a catastrophe!”
“I can't hang out with you. I don't have time, I'm too stressed out about money.”
These kinds of angles work great, because it plays on a man's desire to be the knight in shining armor, and to solve all her problems and fix her unhappiness. The “crisis” conversation tends to be extremely effective, because it will escalate the man's sense of urgency and cause him to make an irrational decision.
Some women will just come right out with it. “Hey can you help me out a little bit? I'm having some financial troubles.”
The way to combat this frame is by the use of shame, followed by a compliment. Deep down, a gold digger knows that she has no integrity. She wishes she could be an independent woman, and she feels inadequate that she can't live up to the modern ideal of being strong and independent. So gold diggers are very susceptible to shame. The compliment takes the edge off it a bit, and shows the girl that you expect to deal only with independent woman who really have it together.
Here's how you use the shame/compliment combination.
“Wow, sorry to hear you're having trouble. That must feel awful to know that you're not able to support yourself and be independent like other women. But I just want you to know that I believe in you, and I think you will get this all figured out. I will be so proud of you when you do.”
“Oh my goodness. It must feel so terrible to be asking people for money all the time. When I was growing up, my mom told me never to ask people for money, because they won't respect you anymore after you do. People perceive it as a form of weakness. But you seem like a strong and independent type of woman. I bet you've never even done this before. Still, seems like it must be a bummer.”
OK, so you get the idea. Shame+compliment+high expectations.
Some of my wealthy clients have not yet learned why it's counterproductive to play the gold digger game. In their head, they're thinking “Well, I'm making 50 grand a month, it's worth it to me to spend 3 grand on this girl and not have to worry about anything.” It makes sense on the surface. These guys are super bright and logical in most cases, and they use their highly developed business sense to make decisions on their love life. But in this case, they couldn't be more wrong about what the results will be.
They're thinking “I won't have anything to worry about,” but in reality, they will have TEN TIMES as much to worry about.
When you pay a woman to date you, you are sending a message that you don't have any worth to her except the financial. You are communicating that you don't like yourself very much and neither should she. You are telling her that there is nothing attractive about you except your bank account.
To make matters worse, some men measure their own self worth in terms of how much money they have. This condition often stems from a childhood in which their parents told them that they MUST get rich, or else they would be worthless.
Paying a girl's bills is counterproductive. She says she will like you more, but in reality, her entire perception of you and of the relationship will change. She is no longer working to keep you around, you are working to keep her around. She is no longer chasing you, you are chasing her. She is no longer involved with a dominant alpha guy who has power over her. Instead, she is controlling a man whose will is weak and whom she does not respect.
Some wealthy men think that they owe it to their woman to pay her bills because she doesn't have as much money as he does. Just because you are rich and successful, doesn't mean you owe anyone anything. And it certainly doesn't mean you should be penalized.
The penalty is not purely financial. In fact it is mostly emotional. A woman who is getting money from you is far more likely to become emotionally abusive to you. It's common for gold diggers to withhold sex, becoming demanding and annoying, and engage in constant whining and complaining.
The best way to succeed with women is to have her fall in love with you based on the merits of your personality and your sexual value. She should love you because of who you are, how you make her feel, and how you fvck her.
If you are a wealthy successful man, my advice to you is to only get emotionally involved with women who are independent and have high integrity. Do not pay a girl's bills or give her free cash unless you have been with her for years and you are 100% certain she has high integrity. If you find yourself in a situation with a gold digger, and you have your heart set on fucking her, use the frame busters I described above. There's no harm in sleeping with a woman like this a few times, but don't stick around for the beating you will take if you date her seriously.
Trust me on this one, I've seen it too many times. It's a sad situation.
But you don't have to be a millionaire to get some advice and meet me in person, I will be at the Global Pickup Conference in Miami next Friday, November 12th. Check it out here: www.globalpickupconference.com. There's a lot of big name speakers there and it's only $149 if you get your ticket soon.
Last thing before I split, I suggest you take a quick look at the Pickup Mansion website. It's www.PickupMansion.com. I just put some new pictures up and it's the first time the houses have ever been shown on the internet. We are now taking applications for our new house, which opens on Feb. 1st. There's 5 rooms, and I already have 3 people I've chosen to move in. The last 2 rooms are up for grabs and if you have any interest in this program, now is the time to apply.
Here's the direct link to the pictures:
talk to ya soon!